MD 13 : Spick n Span


It was unusually cool Sunday morning in Bangalore this week. It had rained the previous evening and almost through the night. I woke  with a rare feeling of energy pulsing through me – Its amazing how some days – it just feels right! “Today’s gonna be a very productive day” – I told myself.

Wifey was already making breakfast  in the kitchen, and my MIL (mother-in-law) was incessantly brushing away at the kitchen slab. She was cleaning up the apparent mess I had created when I tried to make myself some “Ready to eat” food late in the night – suddenly feeling hungry…

ME: Good morning folks.

WIFE: Good morning dear..

MIL : (Smiles and continues to brush the kitchen slab)

ME: So, what’s for breakfast?

WIFE: French toast!!

 Hmm…. I wonder why is bread fried with egg yolk is called french toast… hmm.. More research needed, but that’s for later…

ME: Ok… BTW, I feel today’s gonna be a highly productive day for me!

WIFE: (Gives me the We shall see Look)

MIL: (Continues to brush….)

ME: MIL, the slab is grey – it wont turn white if you continue to brush it!!

My MIL is a cleanliness freak – I think she has spent about 90% of her life cleaning something or the other. For her, everything’s got to be speck-less – yeah, in literal terms – no kidding!! Wifey – like her mother, has got the “Cleanliness DNA” well engrained in her as well. On the contrary, I am a bit of a messy person. Not the filthy types, but more the “cluttered and blissfully ignorant about it” types. As you can see, its not really a “Made for each other” scenario.

 MIL: (Smiles at her SIL’s stupid remark – she is nice, not as vocal as her daughter)

WIFE: (Gives me the “Thanks for starting the day with usual stupid remark” look.) Hey, Mr productivity. Why don’t you go and clean up the bedroom while I finish making breakfast?

ME: Sure thing!! Here I go….

I winked at her, and got into the bedroom – the room was in a mess! The pillows were all over the place – one of them had fallen off the bed. The quilt was piled up as a heap, the bed sheet crumpled. I had added to the mess by trying to eat some cookies yesterday night and created some more mess in the already messy bedroom. (oh! that’s a messy sentence with too much usage of mess!!)

I strained hard to remember what I did after gulping the cookies at 1 AM last night. I think I must have dozed off while reading the new Chetan Bhagat novel – Revolution 2020. Hmmm….the book was nowhere to be seen in the morning – Where did the book go?

That is the problem with reading books in bed.. I usually don’t know when I fall asleep, and  find the book crumpled somewhere near my bum the next morning. Sometimes, I wake up huddled in weird positions, my head in a direction opposite to the direction I remember to have slept in. I don’t think I sleep walk – though my wife tells me that I sometimes blabber incessantly in my sleep.  Sometimes, I wonder if some supernatural power possesses me when I sleep – and makes me chatter stupid hymns and sleep in weird positions. In winters, if it gets a bit cold, I usually wear a “monkey cap (a warm cap that literally makes me look like a monkey) to bed. Its possible that I warm up when I am asleep, because in the morning I’m not wearing it anymore. What’s more – at most times, I cant even find it.

Someday, I hope to find the answer to all the above questions.

Anyway, I cleaned everything up – neatly folded the quilt, put the pillows in order, spread the bed sheet, brushed the bed clean. I even arranged the pile of books that lay on the table – that was the freebie, the going over and above the expectations bit. Uh! The room now looked picture perfect, and it was a mighty awesome way to start my productive day!

 “Yo Baby!! Welcome to the SPICK N SPAN Bedroom” – I announced.

 Wifey entered the room, non-chalantly, went to the far corner of the bed, and pointed at the tiniest piece of paper and a spoon lying there. I had missed surveying the floor near the bed – the tell-tale spoon from my “eat when everyone sleeps” raising its ugly head from the corner.

 ME: Uh.. Come on! That’s like nit-picking…. (I wanted to put up a stronger defense, but before that….)

 She went on to lift the bed sheet, and then the bed cushion, put her hand in near the wall – and brought out the missing – monkey cap and the novel I was reading. The novel completely crumpled – you would wonder what was done to it in the night.. hmm, probably it provides testimony to my “Supernatural powers at work in night” theory. But, that’s for another post & I found myself saying..

ME: Oh, well… that’s why I never get these in the morning eh…. (I managed a smile). Well, see… that’s out of syllabus.. I agreed to clean the bed, not look around or under it!

 She looked around for some more time – found everything else to be in order.. Thankfully!

 WIFE: Not bad, Mr productivity…. (she let out a smile)

ME:I really understand how much you got to do everyday… you really ARE a superwoman!

WIFE: (Smiles appreciatively at my sudden demonstration of the CARING UNDERSTANDING HUSBAND and walks away) You did well, my SPIC N SPAN Hubby!!

I want to record this day as a milestone in my life – I thought. I had got a compliment for the apparently great houselhold work that I did. It felt good.. really good! Does this warrant a celebration?

But the other conservative side of me reminded me to tread cautiously – Hey Ari… should you REALLY be happy about this? Could this mean more work? Rather, more work that you hate to do?

Hmmm… on second thoughts, it was probably not smart of me to make that superwoman statement. I have a feeling that this sudden demonstration of “highly productive spick n span husband”  could be used against me in the future… to clean the toilets.. Or wipe some crap lying at some shady corner in the house.

I guess only time will tell.

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