MD 8 : Rattacked!


I pre-empted myself from what I wanted to post today to share with you a fabulous gem of an incident that happened on Sunday night as we returned from vacation. Buckle up – Here we go….!!!

“Hit it, hit it, hit it” – shouted out wifey, extremely animated.

 We (Me, Wifey & MIL (mother in law)) had just returned from the long vacation to Delhi-Kullu-Manali and entered the house. The flight from Delhi to Bangalore  had been re-scheduled at the last moment, and we had spent a good 3-4 hrs at the airport, waiting. This, followed by a 2.5 hr flight, 45 min standing in queue for the cab followed by 1.5 hr ride back from Bangalore airport to my home in B.G Road – to say that I was pissed – was an understatement.

The house was almost as speck-less as wifey had left it. The drawing room in perfect order, the newspapers cleanly tucked away at the bottom of the center table, the cute “Kung Fu Panda” soft toy (my wife’s favorite) neatly placed on the sofa – wow! Finally, after the long winding travel – Home, sweet home!! While the ladies got busy unpacking, I changed into my pajamas- and decided to unlock the door leading to the back porch to let some fresh air in.

That’s when things got exciting!!

Somewhere from the dark area to my right, came out this small dark brown colored rat. At least that’s what my brain registered in the 0.2183 seconds that I got to see it. The rat jumped into the drawing room, expertly maneuvering through the bags & suitcases that still lay there, and dived in beneath the sofa!

Next momenthell broke loose – wifey jumped up on top of the table at the center of the living room, lifted her hand up in the air in a Yogic pose – or rather like a female version of Nana Patekar – and started shouting loudly –

 “Hit it, hit it, hit it” – The HIT IT interspaced with a few shrieks at a decibel almost good enough to make you deaf.

 Dear readers – I have a confession to make – I accept my complete inability to deal with any kind of animals – dogs, cats or rats!! They usually freak me out! But, hell – MIL was here – and to be the “MEEK son-in-law who pissed in his pajama” sighting a rat – NNnaaaaaaahhhh!!

Calm down – I said to myself! I focused hard and tried to think about anything of value that can be of any value in salvaging the situation – I drew a blank!

“Oh my god! Hit it! Oh my God! Hit it! OMG! hit it” – continued my wife – her Yogic pose giving way to hysteric motions – hand pointing in different directions, head swaying side to side…

I must find a weapon – a rod, a broom, a knife – I looked ahead and saw the cute Panda on the sofa. “When in strife, make the best use of whatever you got” – the learned people have said – I followed them. I picked up the Panda and waved it side by side as my weapon of choice. 

“Papa” Panda with the baby Panda was NOW armed, ready for a real fight ! Come now, you silly barbaric rat – I thought and bent down low to look beneath the sofa.

That’s when things got real bad!!

The rat came out of the other corner – mistook my leg to be the side of the sofa, and climbed up – on my pajamas!!!!!  I was being RATtacked, and this silly moron was attacking ME below the belt!! Aren’t these guys taught the rules of war?

I froze! I wanted to jump around, but somehow couldn’t. I felt the rat climb up my leg, and stop somewhere near my right thigh. This cannot be happening, again, with ME!! I looked up, wanting to check if wifey could help..

My mouth opened wide, as I gasped..

Right in front stood my MIL – broom in hand, ready to unleash on the rat – which unfortunately had happily found a shelter on my pajamas, somewhere near my thighs…

Picture thisBeing spanked by my MIL with a broom to get rid of a RAT stuck in my pajamas – that’s bad enough to get me into the GUINNESS BOOK OF SHAME!!

Thankfully, I lost balance (overwhelmed I think with the above thought), and fell – all of several kilograms – my head hit the sofa handle, and I closed my eyes – hoping that good things will happen when I open them!

“Dhaaaaaarrrrraaaaammmm” – I aplogize, I don’t think I am equipped to re-create the sound!

When I opened my eyes, my wife leaning over me. The rat had jumped its way out – stunned with the commotion, followed by the earth shattering Dhaaarrraaaamm.

I closed my eyes again – and thanked God for sparing me the ignominy of being spanked by “you know whom”!!

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